Sep 15, 2010

 Che' here.

{The tantrum in my mind}
 I've bandied together a lot of ambitions (obviously-yes I know).
One of them that I failed to acknowledge (because I was still formulating it in my noggin), is recognizing my self worth more and I mention down at the bottom of this blog a [life list] that has "learn all I possibly can" on it.

That being said my Institute class has been a Godsend-literally.
Part of what spawned this goal has been um, this.. ENTIRE year.
I can explain most of the smashups and unfortunate events that have occurred these last 9 months (all year) on me not conceiving who I am in an eternal perspective. Maybe that MISunderstanding comes from a lack of faith, not enough hope, or other self imposed limits. [Perhaps a triple whammy.] But the point is it's been one of the most trying years of my life, and I thought that I understood who I WAS and AM really well. Confusions run rampant, and I haven't been making the best possible decisions for myself, because I haven't been making them in the BEST possible way.

Hard to explain.

In class the last couple of weeks we've discussed the Plan of Salvation, God's Character and Satans, and Discipline vs. Disposition. I'm going to try and make this make sense. It's what I've learned about my own self worth that I really didn't understand before (and maybe you haven't understood either).

disclaimer- what I write next is my own understanding of the subject material.

Before we were given spirits we were just intelligence, which in itself is an entity. No one created it. It just was. Each intelligence had a different capacity to become something. Some could only become a rock, tree, or animal, and others could become human beings and from there received a spirit (which is separate from intelligence). While in the pre-mortal life there were laws that were set up by God (so it's likely that we all sinned while we were up there- something that I'd never really thought about) We studied and grew, and our intelligence because it has a mind of it's own focused on particular things. We talked about how Mozart's must have involved music, Einstein math, etc. And once down here these people tapped into that and discovered their talents and aptitudes that they produced while in the pre-mortal,  and became the icons that they have. In essence ( I think) they discovered a part of their potential. We discussed how all the prophets that ever were, are and will be focused on spirituality (this as a talent was not something I'd ever really thought about either). Keep in mind that only a few of those up there studied, grew, and were obedient enough to be called "noble and great ones".

That leads us to getting a body. Because even though we probably transgressed while up there, we obviously chose more right than wrong because we're here on Earth.

We talked about how once down here it was our responsibility to tap into those talents and spiritual gifts that we worked on. This is where Satan comes in to try and destroy us. AND gives us a terrible disadvantage with ALL the odds stacked against us.

If we were all in the pre-mortal life, then we probably all knew each other, studied together, grew to different levels with each other. Not just the people that chose to go with God's plan, but also Satans. We knew him, and not only that, his followers knew us to. We know that right? This seems like pretty basic stuff. But get this. If they knew us then they understood our strengths and weaknesses, in short, our potential. Yeah yeah, I know what you're thinking.. DUH Chels. But seriously you guys once we recieved a body we also had our eyes covered with the veil. And the others DID NOT. We do not know our potential- BUT THEY DO. We don't understand all our weaknesses- BUT THEY DO. And for me the most important understanding came from this: I also don't know or understand all my strengths- BUT THEY DO.

I was thinking about this, and the gifts, talents and aptitudes that I have (you should think about yours). Gifts that maybe I didn't realize WERE gifts. When I think about it, it's quite easy to see the areas of my life that I OBVIOUSLY didn't spend much time on developing before. Math for instance has always been an obstacle along with Chemistry, Biology, anything that involves formulas and numbers I don't have much smarts for. Cooking is another one (that makes sense because there's lots of chem and numbers in cooking). But then there are things that I KNOW I'm good at. Athletics for one, colors, organizing, anything that has to do with English as a language but also reading and writing. Art (sketching in particular), musical things, etc.

But I started thinking about a gift I have that is the most important to me, and to everyone that comes in contact with me (even if they-or you- don't know it). I don't want to go to far into it here because it's extremely precious and sacred to me (and if there's anything I've learned from what we've been talking about in class, it's that we SHOULD keep these special things close to us- share them of course-but take care of them), but the point is I've only ever considered it a GIFT which means something good and essentially a strength, I guess I thought that because it was gift there was no way it could be corrupted? Or at LEAST it would be very difficult to do so, and OBVIOUS if the adversary tried- but then the last 9 months crept into my head and I realize now that quite possibly I thought wrong.

I think Satan playing to our STRENGTHS is more dangerous than playing to our WEAKNESSES because those are something we'd expect him to zone in on.Think about the gifts, qualities, and special things you've been given. Are you keeping them safe? Or you taking care of them? Are you appreciating them? Are you expanding them? Do you even KNOW what they are?

If the adversary is working hard on you, it's probably because you're doing really well, or on the verge of finding some kind of new knowledge. If he's working on you, it's almost a compliment in a backwards kind of way because he knows how strong you are- he KNOWS your potential. Keep that in mind the next time you feel beaten down, discouraged or worthless.

You've been given gifts. You have gifts that you haven't discovered yet. And your intelligence can change.

Just something to think about.

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